Run With Me (McCain Edition)

Random musings on the leading contenders to be “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun's” #2:

*Former Governor Mitt Romney (Massachusetts): He used to be prochoice; now he’s prolife. He used to be for gun control; now he’s against it. He used to like Miller Light because of its great taste; now he likes it because it’s less filling. I see Mitt as the Mormon John Kerry, with his actual achievements being overshadowed by his flip-flopping, religion and the fact he’s obviously just kind of a douche bag. Note to Mitt: George Hamilton wants his tan back.

*Governor Tim Pawlenty (Minnesota): If victorious, he’d be the first man with a mullet to be elected into the executive branch since George Washington. Honestly, I know nothing about this man’s policies or character. All I know is he has a mullet and that’s all I need to know.

*Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (Texas): It could be extremely shrewd for Mac to pick a woman in hopes of luring disenchanted Hillary supporters into his camp. However, with a personality that makes Tim Pawlenty look like Sam Kinison and a face that looks like it could literally shred cheese, she may be better in principle than practice.

*Senator Joe Lieberman (Connecticut): As my late great grandmother would say about this fellow member of the tribe: This meshuginah should start being a mensch instead of a shmendrik. He’s all farblondzhet to the point it makes me farklempt! Oy!

*Former Governor Tom Ridge (Pennsylvania): The man responsible for the most useless invention since the Chia Pet, as he gave America the famed color coded terror alert system. Keeping that spirit alive, I rate Tom Ridge’s chances at “periwinkle.” (Yeah, I don’t know what that means either…)